Just today my dear H was pitching a huge fit over something that she really didn't want. She is 2 now and has hit a whole new level of experiences! In this particular moment she had dropped a piece of food on the floor. We have a cat and I am not quite the homemaker I should be so we really shouldn't be eating off of our floor. I am not going to say it never happens, but it shouldn't (but that is a whole different blog entry). Anyway, she thought she wanted it, she knew the piece of fruit would taste good but she didn't understand the dirt, cat hair, and potential dangerous grime that came with it. What she especially didn't understand is that I already had 3 more pieces cut and ready for her. Clean, delicious pieces waiting, already available. She couldn't see that because of the huge tantrum and giant tears running down her cheeks over her dirty piece of apple. In that moment of, let's be honest, frustration for both of us it was as if I heard God whisper inside of me "why do you do this to me?" It was a bit of a shock at first to hear that so clearly but the more I thought about it, it's true. How often do I want my way? A way that involves plans that are of my own making, full of dirt and danger that I am not aware of. How often is God sitting, waiting, wanting to give me the best? Is it as saddening and maddening for Him when I choose a dirty second or third choice over His best for me that was already available?
I am reminded of an old tried and true verse "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope" Jer 29:11 (NKJV). Because when it comes to God we know that if we ask "for a fish, will he give you a serpent?" (Matt 7:9). No! God has good plans for us that will bring Him glory and God is waiting for us to call on Him. To seek Him and the plans that He has for us. Not throw fits when our desires go unmet. So why don't we? Why does it seem like we always end up in the same battles, same ditches, same frustrations? I think it comes down to trust.
Personal Example: We are trying to sell a house. We have had it listed on the market since April 2010. As in, we have been making mortgage payments on it and not living in it, since April 2010. This has been very frustrating to me, especially recently. Obviously, my hope is that we sell the home. However, I believe that God is using this time as a chance to be obedient to Him, to trust Him. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me why we still have this house, but He knows. I know that at any time He can send the buyer that will want to buy it and not haggle about the price (please!). So this is another opportunity for me to learn to trust God in something I do not understand.
Do you think that how we live reflects our truest, deepest beliefs? I do. I think that when we fully believe something it penetrates every part of our life. We live differently because of it. I think that if I truly trusted God I would live differently. I wouldn't worry (at times almost to the point of panic) over H's safety, or the end of the world (thank you TLC's newest show), or the myriad of other things that come into my mind on a daily basis. I think my every day actions reflect my beliefs much better than my words. I doubt they reflect the word Trust.
I think that in all of this God is trying to teach me to trust Him and to make this time in my life a time of turning away from distractions and focusing on Christ. It may sound silly but I have felt like for the last few months I never miss seeing 6:33 on a clock. It feels like I see those numbers consistently, everywhere. So, a few weeks ago I felt like I needed to repeat, out loud, Matt 6:33 every time I saw a 6:33. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you" (old school KJV that I memorized). Do you know what is funny, the most recent email from our real estate agent showed that our house has been viewed online a total of...drum roll... 633 times since we listed with this new agent. It was as if God was saying "I am aware of what you want and what you are thinking you need, but daughter, I have the best in mind for you. Trust me, seek ME with all of your heart and you will find Me" (Matt 7:8). So, "all these things" shouldn't be my focus. There is no need if my mind is set on Christ, they will be added/taken care of anyway. Lord, I believe; help my unbelief! (Mar 9:24)
I don't know if anyone even sees this blog... but if you did, I believe it was on purpose. If you are a Christian then you have the Holy Spirit inside of you. These things, seeking God, trusting Him are completely available to you through His power. Blessings to you as you seek and find. If you do not know God, I know, without a doubt that He loves you and wants to know you. Please go to this website (http://peacewithgod.jesus.net/) and message me anytime...
God, I pray you will use the ramblings of this woman to touch and reach those that are growing and want to know You more. For Your Glory and Honor, Amen.