The Difficulty of a Birth-day
It happens every year around this time. Every. Single. Year.
A heartache begins to develop. A sadness.
It’s my birthday. Now, before you begin to think that this
depression is because I am another year older - I tell you that couldn’t be
farther from the truth! It seems like each passing year that I experience is
more amazing than the next. I look forward to what a new year has and all that
God will do to work His plans in my life. I am NOT one of those people that
begrudges getting older. There are many in this world that are not afforded
that luxury.
This is deeper. It comes from a place that I can rarely reach.
You see, I am adopted. I was born on March 23rd and was adopted
on March 29th. During the time between my birth and adoption I was hospitalized
for pneumonia (apparently I didn’t know how to keep my mouth shut in the womb
either :)). My birthmother, a brave 16 year old girl, and her family chose to
come and visit me every day; trying to hold me and love me for the lifetime
they would not get to. I can only imagine how highly emotional that time was
for them.
Think about the tears, the joy, the heartbreak, the beauty, all
wrapped up into six days. I obviously don’t remember those days. However, I
believe that something about the deep, heart wrenching emotional experience
that my family went through lodged deep within my soul.
Every year since I can remember I experience an unexplained ache
through those days. Then, on the seventh day, it seems to lift and life goes
on.
I believe that is because the seventh day is the day I met my
forever family. My parents had tried to have children for many years and were
unable to do so. They prayed and felt God lead them towards adoption. He knew
that He was creating their family by handpicking me to join them. I am their
only child. Had my birthmother not made the brave choice of life for me - they
may never have known what it was to be parents.
The immediate and overflowing joy my parents had when they picked
up their baby girl for the first time was, most likely, a balm to my tiny
broken heart. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I knew in those moments
how very loved and wanted I was.
When these tumultuous emotions begin to plague me each year I
always go back to a few verses that God has used to heal my hurting places.
“But he said to me, “My grace is
sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will
boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may
rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
“For you formed my inward parts; you
knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise
you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful
are your works; my
soul knows it very well.” Psalm 139:13-14
“For we are his workmanship,
created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we
should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10
I don’t know if you have ever experienced anything like this but
I want you to know that YOU are here on purpose. YOU are not an accident. God
has a plan for YOUR life. If you are struggling with what to do with an
unwanted pregnancy or issue in life - go to the scripture. Search out what God
says. Although it may not seem like the easiest solution for you in the moment
- it will be by far the best for you, your child and your family.
Lastly, know that there is nothing beyond God’s redemptive love.
Nothing. Ever. He can take you and help you find a wholeness you never knew was
possible. I am not talking about a puppy dog and rainbow kind of faith that
exists because it has never been challenged. I am talking about a deep, rooted
in the depth of Christ, kind of faith that will carry you through even your
darkest of days. The kind of faith that you will cling to when it seems like
there is nothing left and the kind of faith that will guide you back out of the
valley so the sun can shine on your face again.
Turn to Him. I know it is the only way I survived 34 years ago
and it is the only way I survive now.
Comments