Monday, January 21, 2013

Born for This

I have a quote that will not let me go. Ever since I read it 2-3 months ago it is on my mind. Constantly.

"Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't matter" -Francis Chan

I think that part of the reason this holds on to me so tightly is because, in general, I am a successful person. I don't mean that in a prideful way. I just mean that God has blessed me with talents and skills and when I use them, more often than not, the end result is more good than bad.  So that being said, most things that I work towards or try to do end up successful.  I think that is why this quote won't let me go.  The idea that I could work my whole life towards things that in the end are a giant, gaping failure is terrifying.   

I am thankful that this quote has taken root in my brain because it is helping me hone my desires and fears.  It has become a beneficial fear.  Much in the same way that fear of fire keeps me from sticking my hand in the fireplace.  The idea of fearing that my life's work will be worthless to God is helpful to me as I make decisions along the way.  I believe it is important to think about the day that I will stand before God and give an account of what I did with the life He gave me.  Maybe this is what is meant when the Bible says we should work out our own salvation with fear and trembling (Phil 2:12).  The idea of failing at life in Jesus' eyes definitely makes me tremble.

The hardest part I keep finding is translating that into my everyday.  Some days feel like I am getting it right but for the most part I feel like an impostor.   Do you know what I mean?  I have these desires but from the outside my life probably still looks the same.  I guess I have to get out of my mind that for me to follow Christ means I will be in a jungle in India (not that it couldn't mean that <-- see there I go again!!).  In all seriousness, I do believe that in this year Jesus will be more real to me than ever before and that my life will reflect Him in a way that it never has.  I pray that I can be used in a beneficial way to reach out and love those that need Him.  Meet physical and spiritual needs.  Bring others alongside to learn more about Christ and how to live for Him in their daily lives. I know I am still figuring out what that looks like on a daily basis while washing clothes, cooking dinner and playing chutes and ladders but maybe as I grow in all of this I can turn around and reach down to pull others up with me.  I am still praying about each step but I believe the answers will come because I know the One who has them and I have the Book He wrote to help me along the way.

In the end I have to push out the thoughts and frustrations that I have about life not looking drastically different because if you look close enough it has begun to change.  I am viewing people with a love that comes from Christ and not myself.  I am purposefully making small choices with my lifestyle that I pray will benefit those that do not know Him.  Slowly He is putting me in places to be used for His purposes.  Maybe not all at once and maybe not as quickly as I would like, but it is happening.

A few weekends ago I heard a song by Mandisa and, just like the Francis Chan quote, it has stuck with me. I believe it is my anthem for this year.  It is written about Esther and it is called Born for This.  


Feels like I've been holding my breath, trying to still my restless heart
Everything hangs on my next step, finding my nerve, playing my part
I found shelter underneath His crown, found favor inside His eyes
Rock this boat, and I just might drown, honesty seems to come with a price
There's a time to hold your tongue, time to keep your head down
There's a time but it's not now

Sometimes you gotta go, uninvited
Sometimes you gotta speak when you don't have the floor
Sometimes you gotta move, when everybody else says you should stay
No way, no, not today
You gotta ask, if you want an answer
Sometimes you gotta stand apart from the crowd
Long before your heart could run the risk
You were born for this
You were born for this

I'm leaning on the ones before me, my father's father's dreams
I'm standing on the top of their shoulders calling the One delivering me
There's a time to hold your tongue, time to keep your head down
There's a time but it's not now

Sometimes you gotta go, uninvited
Sometimes you gotta speak when you don't have the floor
Sometimes you gotta move, when everybody else says you should stay
No way, no, not today
You gotta ask, if you want an answer
Sometimes you gotta stand apart from the crowd
Long before your heart could run the risk
You were born for this
You were born for this

One step, one move.
Born to trust You.
Made to lay my
Life before You

Sometimes you gotta go, uninvited
Sometimes you gotta speak when you don't have the floor
Sometimes you gotta move, when everybody else says you should stay
No way, no, not today
You gotta ask, if you want an answer
Sometimes you gotta stand apart from the crowd
Long before your heart could run the risk
You were born for this
You were born for this
You were born for this
You were born for this
You were born for this





















































Sometimes I write posts like this and I wonder if they are more like therapy for me and less beneficial for you.  Maybe or maybe you are here because you can relate to something I am experiencing and feeling.  I am stopping right now to say a prayer for you.  If I can pray for you in a specific way just leave a comment and at the beginning write "private" and I will not post.   

With a Thankful Heart,
Amy

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